Ocean Floor

Exodus 33:18- Lord, show me Your glory!

“Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. Cuz I know they’ll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that’s what it takes to Praise You. Jesus, bring the rain.”

Romans 7:18, “For what I am doing I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”

Sometimes God places us in situations we don’t understand just to see if our trust is really there.

“The same power that conquered the grave lives in me!”-Romans 8:11, Ephesians 1:19-20

“Believing what we can understand takes intellect, not faith. It is believing what we can’t understand that takes the faith that honors and pleases God.”

James 5:11, “Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord- that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.”

I can’t really describe how I’m feeling. I want to glorify God and say, “Jesus, bring the rain. Bring me anything that brings you glory, even if it’s painful.” I pray that and then I get scared He’ll give me what I’ve asked for. I don’t actually want to feel the pain; it’s uncomfortable. But in order to bring God glory I know that sometimes it’s necessary; sometimes I need to endure and press on. My trials are not about my pain; they are about His glory. Something the Lord has been teaching me is that it’s hard to move forward when you’re living in the past, either bitter over something or wishing you had something, wishing you had done something differently, wishing you hadn’t done anything at all, or wishing more than anything else that you could take something back. It’s always towards the end of the month that Satan attacks my thoughts with deep regrets; that my focus is shifted from ministry to myself, from God to me, from the people here to my own life. It robs me of time, energy, and worry (the very things I tell the ladies at Bible Study not to do. Ha!) More importantly, it robs the Lord of glory, of using a once willing servant, of completing the work He’s started.

My heart has been hard toward the Lord and the things of the Lord for too long, and in coming here He has managed to break down so many of the walls I put up, as well as allow me to work on so many of the areas that were hindering my walk with Him. I feel freedom in some way, and I also feel so held back with thoughts of the past, mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, and things I can never take back. My transgressions, my willful acts of disobedience to the Lord have brought about consequences and great pain. My heart is broken, but healing. It is painful, as all the pieces are sort of scattered. On top of everything else here that completely breaks my heart everyday, I feel overwhelmed. I am broken over my sin, and cry out for forgiveness.

The Lord is great and greatly to be praised! My circumstances and feelings don’t change Him. He remains the same. I don’t want to look to the past to remember a time when I was near to God or when God was near to me in a certain way. I want my relationship with God to be richer and more blessed today than it’s ever been.

The ministries I’m serving in are amazing, the people I’m serving with are wonderful, and the people we get to serve are more of a blessing than I can put in words. Last Sunday I got to pray with an 11 year old boy to accept the Lord! Praise Him! I feel so blessed to be serving here, but my flesh gets in the way. Praise the Lord that the Spirit is greater than my flesh.

Heavenly Father, I thank You that Your mercies are new every morning and that Your forgiveness is freely given. Continue to show us our sin, so that we can confess it to You and ask for forgiveness. Rid us of every weight and sin that ensnares us, that we could run the race with endurance, forgetting the things that are behind, and pressing forward to the things which are ahead. Continue to teach us what it means to truly have faith in You and to truly depend on You. Forgive us of our doubt and unbelief. Help us to believe those things we know to be true. Help us to fall completely in love with You, absolutely surrendering all for Your glory. In Jesus’ name.

“Ocean Floor”

The mistakes I've made
That caused pain
I could have done without
All my selfish thoughts
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about
They're all behind you
They'll never find you
They're on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor
My misdeeds
All my greed
All the things that haunt me now
They're not a pretty sight to see
But they're wiped away
By a mighty, mighty wave
A mighty, mighty wave
Your sins are erased
And they are no more
They're out on the ocean floor
Take them away
To return no more
Take them away
To the ocean floor

This is the story of my life. “A thousand times I fail, still His mercy remains.”