Ocean Floor

Exodus 33:18- Lord, show me Your glory!

“Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. Cuz I know they’ll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that’s what it takes to Praise You. Jesus, bring the rain.”

Romans 7:18, “For what I am doing I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”

Sometimes God places us in situations we don’t understand just to see if our trust is really there.

“The same power that conquered the grave lives in me!”-Romans 8:11, Ephesians 1:19-20

“Believing what we can understand takes intellect, not faith. It is believing what we can’t understand that takes the faith that honors and pleases God.”

James 5:11, “Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord- that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.”

I can’t really describe how I’m feeling. I want to glorify God and say, “Jesus, bring the rain. Bring me anything that brings you glory, even if it’s painful.” I pray that and then I get scared He’ll give me what I’ve asked for. I don’t actually want to feel the pain; it’s uncomfortable. But in order to bring God glory I know that sometimes it’s necessary; sometimes I need to endure and press on. My trials are not about my pain; they are about His glory. Something the Lord has been teaching me is that it’s hard to move forward when you’re living in the past, either bitter over something or wishing you had something, wishing you had done something differently, wishing you hadn’t done anything at all, or wishing more than anything else that you could take something back. It’s always towards the end of the month that Satan attacks my thoughts with deep regrets; that my focus is shifted from ministry to myself, from God to me, from the people here to my own life. It robs me of time, energy, and worry (the very things I tell the ladies at Bible Study not to do. Ha!) More importantly, it robs the Lord of glory, of using a once willing servant, of completing the work He’s started.

My heart has been hard toward the Lord and the things of the Lord for too long, and in coming here He has managed to break down so many of the walls I put up, as well as allow me to work on so many of the areas that were hindering my walk with Him. I feel freedom in some way, and I also feel so held back with thoughts of the past, mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, and things I can never take back. My transgressions, my willful acts of disobedience to the Lord have brought about consequences and great pain. My heart is broken, but healing. It is painful, as all the pieces are sort of scattered. On top of everything else here that completely breaks my heart everyday, I feel overwhelmed. I am broken over my sin, and cry out for forgiveness.

The Lord is great and greatly to be praised! My circumstances and feelings don’t change Him. He remains the same. I don’t want to look to the past to remember a time when I was near to God or when God was near to me in a certain way. I want my relationship with God to be richer and more blessed today than it’s ever been.

The ministries I’m serving in are amazing, the people I’m serving with are wonderful, and the people we get to serve are more of a blessing than I can put in words. Last Sunday I got to pray with an 11 year old boy to accept the Lord! Praise Him! I feel so blessed to be serving here, but my flesh gets in the way. Praise the Lord that the Spirit is greater than my flesh.

Heavenly Father, I thank You that Your mercies are new every morning and that Your forgiveness is freely given. Continue to show us our sin, so that we can confess it to You and ask for forgiveness. Rid us of every weight and sin that ensnares us, that we could run the race with endurance, forgetting the things that are behind, and pressing forward to the things which are ahead. Continue to teach us what it means to truly have faith in You and to truly depend on You. Forgive us of our doubt and unbelief. Help us to believe those things we know to be true. Help us to fall completely in love with You, absolutely surrendering all for Your glory. In Jesus’ name.

“Ocean Floor”

The mistakes I've made
That caused pain
I could have done without
All my selfish thoughts
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about
They're all behind you
They'll never find you
They're on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor
My misdeeds
All my greed
All the things that haunt me now
They're not a pretty sight to see
But they're wiped away
By a mighty, mighty wave
A mighty, mighty wave
Your sins are erased
And they are no more
They're out on the ocean floor
Take them away
To return no more
Take them away
To the ocean floor

This is the story of my life. “A thousand times I fail, still His mercy remains.”

the uttermost parts of Africa

On Friday afternoon we went to visit a Congolese refugee family (1 mom, 3 daughters, 1 son) that was chased out of Congo a year ago. When they moved here the mom was prostituting herself to get money, but has since given that up. They live in a place worse than the slums, but better than the refugee camp they were in. There are refugees from Rwanda and many other places that live by them. One of the guys who lives by them called the 7 year old daughter into his house and raped her only a month ago. She not only has to get tested because she could be HIV positive, but she has flashbacks every night when she’s trying to sleep. The lady’s son got ran over by a car and is in the hospital right now. All of this started happening after she gave her life to the Lord, and she now wants to commit suicide. Things affect me here, but this is one of the only things that has brought me to tears. Our hearts were broken for this family. We are in trying to find them new living arrangements right now, but it’s not easy. Please keep them in your prayers.

Friday night my bus left for what some would call one of “the uttermost parts of Africa”-Paidha Village in West Nile. It was the longest, most uncomfortable, claustrophobic bus ride of my life! But I’m not complaining…Praise the Lord we made it there safe. There were a couple times I was sure we were going to die. We arrived at the home we stayed at, at 4:30 AM, and because it’s a legit village there’s absolutely NO electricity, so it was pitch black, except for the small light coming out of the lantern.

Did I mention it was a LEGIT village?! I was so stoked! There were huts everywhere! They go gather water, the bathroom is a whole in the ground outside, and you bathe in a basin. The huts were surrounded by beautiful green grass, there were children playing everywhere, and the people were so sweet.

Our purpose in going there was to help the children’s ministry at the church and to do door to door evangelism. There are hundreds of kids there and they all love to come to church! We made bracelets and played games with them, and helped the leaders of the ministry. Then we did door to door evangelism where we got to encourage a lot of believers and share the gospel with the unsaved. Although we didn’t see anyone give their lives to the Lord as we went door to door, it was still such a blessing.

There’s a lot of spiritual warfare that goes on in that village, a lot of witchcraft. If you ask a lot of the people how they sleep at night, they’ll tell you not very well. There are many stories about witches bothering certain homes at night. Some of the parents who are into witchcraft or believe in it but don’t want to be bewitched will wear charms and have their children wear charms for protection. Many of the kids we saw came from homes like that, or homes where their parents just get drunk all the time. They were normally running around by themselves, or following us from hut to hut because their parents don’t take care of them.

Praise the Lord witches are threatened by Jesus and don’t bother believers. They just want Christians to leave them alone. So we didn’t really have to experience any spiritual warfare in that sense. The only thing I really experienced externally, was that I got really sick the second night we were there. To be sick in a village is not fun. I lost my appetite for the rest of the time, so I was feeling pretty weak for the last three days we were there.

I met a madman the last night we were there. He tried to steal something from someone and they bewitched him three months ago. Just a month ago he was trying to kill children. He was standing just outside the home I was staying at because he knew the family that lived there and was good friends with them before he went crazy. My friend talked to him and prayed for him, and then he wanted to talk to me and started walking towards me, so I made a b-line into the house. He wanted to come inside! We told him no, so he hung out outside for a while and eventually left.

We arrived back yesterday (Wednesday) to a warm “welcome back”. I love the church family here! This trip was amazing and one I will never forget. It taught me a lot about being grateful for what I have, (i.e. running water, electricity) and about my lack of patience and compassion; I'm praying the Lord works on those areas of my heart.

Some of the things the Lord showed me in His Word while I was there:

Hosea 10:12, “Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, till He comes and rains righteousness on you.”

Luke 5:16, “So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.”

Hebrews 11:25-26- Moses took the best the world had to offer and compared it to the worst the Lord had to offer and chose to follow the Lord, suffering affliction with the people of God rather than enjoying the passing pleasures of sin; esteeming the reproach of Christ greater than the treasures of this world.

Hebrews 12:28, “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.”

The Lord is great and greatly to be praised! He is doing a great work in that village and I feel so blessed to have been able to be there, and to just be able to experience everything here. Like… white water rafting down the Nile in Jinja this weekend?! Ummm yes, please!

The Greatest Joy

The greatest joy is found when we are simply content in the Lord and the place in which He has us, despite our circumstances. It is then that He can and will use us and bless us beyond what we could’ve ever hoped or imagined. Lord, teach us what it means to be truly content, completely satisfied in You and You alone.

The past couple of weeks have been amazing, feeling so blessed to have the opportunity to serve in each and every ministry that the Lord has put before me, as well as a time of simply sitting at His feet.

Here are some updates of what’s been happening in the ministries I’m working with:

FRONTLINE: It has been such a blessing to get to know these boys and hear their testimonies. Their lives are incredible, and their stories really put into perspective the cares of this world and what’s important. I’ve been able to visit the Kisenyu slums, which are the slums where some of the boys who come to Frontline live and get high off things on the street, like paint and gas. I can’t even tell you how dark of a place those slums are; much different than the Kivulu slums. The boys there are not doing good. The place itself just looks so dark. There is fighting, they were getting high when we went, and I was kind of scared of some of the boys. There are “uncles” who work with the kids there, but I don’t think any of them are saved, and sometimes they smoke cigarettes and marijuana around the boys. They’re not good examples for them. And, unfortunately because of some things that have happened in the past, they don’t really like white people, mainly Americans being there with the kids. So, that made me feel horrible and kind of uncomfortable, but whatever, I’m not there for them. So, while we were there we helped take care of their wounds, cleaning them and bandaging them up (uhhhhh…blood is definitely not my thing, so Praise the Lord for His strength). I was happy to take care of the boys. There is a program that they have for them there that teaches them English and regular classes, because they don’t go to school. That’s good, but they’re not hearing about the Lord. So, we’re going to start going back probably once a week to share the Lord with them and help out with whatever we can; mainly, to just be a light there. We all left the slum feeling a huge burden for the boys and what’s going on there. The day after I felt all this anger, righteous anger, welling up inside of me. Anger at what’s going on, anger that Satan has such a hold there, and angry that the people working with the kids are terrible influences. And then I started to think about the righteous anger that must build up inside of God every time He looks at the earth and sees all the sin and depravity. I felt discouraged and was trying to think of the “magical cure” that’s going to change things. But the only thing I can do right now is pray and be Jesus to them. There is also a program starting up in Kivulu slums again, so we’ll be going there once a week as well. I’m excited to go spend time with the boys where they live, instead of just at the church.

There is this 11 year old boy named Alex, who’s in some of my pictures on Facebook, who lives on the street and actually sleeps on the street (not even in the slums, but in the taxi park). He has nothing but the clothes on his back. He comes from an abusive home, which is why he ran away. He has no idea what love is, like most of the kids, which also creates in them a lot of trust issues between them and everyone else. I felt the Lord putting it on my heart to start investing in him. So, I’ve started really building a relationship and a trust with him, playing a kind of motherly role in his life, just trying to show him what love is and that he deserves to be loved. He is so sweet, and I don’t understand how anyone could want to do anything but love him. I wanted to let him know what a blessing he is to me, so I gave him a note telling him how much Jesus loves him, and bought him some clothes; when I gave them to him you would’ve thought it was Christmas. After my friend Rita got done translating the letter to him, he said he wanted to accept the Lord! (That showed me that language barrier doesn’t necessarily have to be a barrier when it comes to Jesus. Praise Him!)  Neither of us asked him. So, I made sure he understood what it meant and prayed for him. Joy overwhelmed me! On Sunday we took the boys to Tigers Club, which is a club for street kids, where they can stay for a few months to a year and have medical care, schooling, food, teaching from the Bible, everything they need. I talked to the guy that works there about Alex, and after some hesitation, he said he want to start staying there. He now has shelter! Praise the Lord! The glorious ways that the Lord works!

LOVING HEARTS BABIES HOME: I get more and more attached to these kids every week. They are so sweet and just so lovable!

BAMBEJJA: There’s a new group of 20 girls that just started the program on October 5. I started a Bible Study with them that same day, and although it’s a voluntary program, many of the girls are very stubborn and hard-hearted. No one in the program is saved, but I have faith that the Lord can change all that. I’m hoping He’ll change just one heart before I leave. I would love to witness the transformation!

I finally got to start teaching the girls English. The girls are split up into groups depending on which grade they would be in and their reading level. I’m going to be working with the girls who either don’t know how to read and write at all, or those who know very little about reading, writing, and speaking English. It’s hard for me to grasp that there are 16-22 year old girls who have never gone to school and don’t even know how to read or write in their own language. But most of the girls are really eager to learn and that makes me excited to help them. As I was teaching the Bible Study the Lord started speaking to my heart, and even if I’ve heard these things a million times, it was like He was revealing them to me for the first time. When I complain it tells me that I’m not so much discontent or dissatisfied with my situation or circumstance, and as I am discontent and dissatisfied with the Lord. It hit me like a freight train. Discontent with the Lord…how terrible does it sound when you’re discontent with the God of this universe?! What right do I ever have to be discontent in Him? Discontent with the God who thought about you before the foundations of the earth, who made you and formed every part of you, and knows absolutely everything about you because He Loves You that much! The second thing was that Epaphroditus was sick and risked his life to do the Lord’s work (bring Paul money, bring the church encouragement). How much more should we be risking our lives to bring people the gospel? It spoke to me a lot because of the fear that I’ve been having since I’ve been here and especially going out into the villages. But God is so good!

JORDAN HOUSE: The first week of the Bible Study, I thought we were going to have 10 women and we had 34! The second week of the Bible Study, 42 women came! The third week, 46 women came! Praise the Lord! I was so stoked! They don’t have to come. They have jobs to do, families to support, and money they could be making to support their families. But they would rather be fed the Word of God; that they might feed their children spiritually. These women are amazing and so excited to hear the Word! Today was the third week I had Bible Study with them and I came in to them singing songs and praising the Lord. So after the Bible Study I had them sing a couple more songs and it was so fun to dance and listen to them sing, with no background instruments, just their voices. They are filled with so much joy, and I’m filled with joy just being around them.

Please pray for all these ministries. Pray that the unsaved would have softened and open hearts to hear the gospel, and that they would come to repentance and salvation. Pray that the saved would be refreshed and encouraged. Pray for their struggles each and everyday: illness, disease, poverty, famine, shelter, that the Lord would provide for them. Pray that the Lord would provide homes filled with the love of Christ for the kids living on the streets and for the babies in the orphanage. Pray that they would see Christ and know the love of Christ when we visit them, that we would reflect Jesus wherever we go and be able to effectively minister to His people.

Tomorrow I leave for my first mission trip. I’m going to West Nile to do some work with a children’s ministry at a church out there and to do door to door evangelism in the village. I’m so stoked! I don’t really know what to expect, but most places outside the city of Kampala are villages, where the majority of the people are Muslim or have never heard about Jesus. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to talk to someone who has never heard the name of Jesus. The spiritual warfare has to be like nothing I’ve ever encountered. All I know is what I’ve heard, and I’ve heard some really crazy stuff happens in these villages: people manifesting themselves, different things happening when people are prayed over. Because there are many Muslims in the villages, there are witch doctors and a lot of witchcraft takes place there. Aside from the spiritual warfare, I don’t know if any village is necessarily “safe”, but the Lord doesn’t call us to go where it’s safe. He just calls us to go, and we’re invincible until He’s done with us. Please pray that the Lord would be glorified and that when people look at us they will see Jesus, first and foremost; that the unsaved would come to repentance and salvation; that it would be a time of refreshment and encouragement for His saints; and for spiritual warfare and safety. I’m so stoked to see the Lord work! God is so good!

I have been so in awe of the Lord lately. Some of the things He’s been encouraging me with the past couple of weeks:

*Having an eternal perspective. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

*God hears every prayer we pray, no matter how He chooses to answer it, and He sees our tears. We are not alone. Even when we feel deserted and abandoned, He is there.

*God is always there, calling us and pursuing us. He’s just waiting for us to respond, because He won’t force His love on anyone.

*Daniel has quickly become one of my favorite people in the Bible. The more I learn about him, the more I want to be like him. He greatly loved God and the Word of God; he was committed to God; he trusted in God; the Holy God was manifested in the holiness of Daniel; he lived a pure, clean life; the only way anyone could find fault in him was concerning his God; he spent much time in prayer and fasting, denying his flesh and waiting on the Lord; Daniel still prayed three times a day, out in the open with nothing to hide after the decree was signed, as he wasn’t afraid of what people would do to him; he knew the Lord was faithful to deliver him from any trial, and his story is proof that we are invincible until the Lord is done with us. His only desire was to serve the Lord. What a man of God!

*We are the Lord’s representatives. God has been so misrepresented by those who people who are called by His name. People have such a false concept of God because the people “representing God” have so misrepresented Him. People are drawing their opinions about God by what they see in us. That’s a heavy responsibility. We may be the only Jesus someone ever sees. Let’s represent Him well.

*Psalm 66:12, “We went through fire and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.” We will always go through struggles and trials, but we don’t have to be burned by the fire or overtaken by the water. As long as we’re clinging to the Lord and trusting Him during trials, He will bring us out to abundance!

God is so good! He is great and greatly to be praised! He is doing amazing things here, and I know that a great part of His work is because of prayer. “Where prayer is focused, power falls.” Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. I appreciate them more than you know. I love you all very much!